This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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