My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
