Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
