We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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