I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
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Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
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He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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