My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
