You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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