After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
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I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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