she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
