ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
