yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
