Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
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It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
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I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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