I skipped work to stalk him.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
