Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
