The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
