I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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