I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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