3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
