the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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