I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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