and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
