If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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