There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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