Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
