I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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