I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
what is it with giant penises always finding me
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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