history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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