The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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