I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize