Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
