Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
two words...techno handjob
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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