Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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