you didnt know i had herpes?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
