Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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