I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
