Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
