Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
