And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
