my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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