i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
