I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
