I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
