Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
