You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
