Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
