You're completely useless in the revolution.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
