i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
