I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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