I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
