i wish my penis had a tongue
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
