i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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