I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
