Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
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i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
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The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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