pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
All I want is dick and wine.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
