You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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