Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
