Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
