worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
