I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Randomize
