There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
The police scanner is talking about you again....
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
