I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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