Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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