Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
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he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
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he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
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