I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
