i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
