I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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