I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
